Wednesday, April 8, 2009

I'm alive!

I really don't want to go into details, but i was recently involved in a bed accident. I'm alright and feel good now, but only because I have lots of drugs (legal drugs). All I really want to say is please don't drink and drive, and look out for motorcycles, it's that time of year when we are out and many of you forget that we share the road too.

Good news, today after almost a month of immobility I was able to wheel myself around the house today...

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

TMI Tuesday #176

1. Is there a sexual act/position/practice that you were sure in advance you would hate (or never try) and then discovered to your surprise you loved?

No, not yet, but it sounds like it could be a nice surprise.

2. Is there a sexual act/position/practice that proved a lot less interesting in practice than you thought it would be beforehand?

Yes anal. Let me be the first to say. EWWWWW. If you ever feel like laughing for 1/2 hour from reading, please read Tucker Max tries Butt Sex. My story is close, and not so disguting, but very close.

3. How do you let your significant other know you're in the mood? How do you let a new person in your life know?

With my wife, I pretty much just need to roll over, she knows I'm almost always ready to go, in fact the only time I'm really not up for it is when I'm sick, and thats only when I'm really sick. With other people I can sometimes be a little too straight forward. There have been times where I put my foot in my mouth.

4. How does your significant other let you know he/she is in the mood?

She usually starts by giving me a back massage, and hen it's all down hill from there.

5. Is there one that got away - a sexual opportunity you didn't realise was one at the time, or weren't ready for and regret missing ever since?

Every day. Every single day.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

TMI Tuesday #175

1. What do find is the most exciting part of a new sexual encounter?

It's just exciting. Everyone is different, they have different abilities, skills, specialties, no two experiences are the same. In fact sleeping with an old partner who you haven't slept with can be even more exciting because of the new experiences that they've had, combined with the previous knowledge of sexual preferences.

2. Do you have "a most exciting part of a sexual encounter" with a usual partner?

The flirting. Flirting at the point that you know the other person is very interested, when all the expectations are laid out on the table and you know what you are getting. I'm talking about the intentional flirting where you are having a tit for tat and all it does is get you more and more worked up until you just can't wait to rip each others clothes off.

3. How open and honest are you about your life with someone you just met?

Not at all. I trust people just about as far as I can throw them, it takes a lot to get me to be completely open about many subjects.

4. How open and honest are you about your life with someone you work with?

Not really too much, I do my best to keep my home life away from my work life. Add to that my workplace is very conservative and I'm not. They generally look down on anything that isn't apple pie and picnics. I do put on a public persona that fits the environment.

5. How open and honest are you about your life with a casual acquaintance who lives in your neighborhood (or the parent a your child's friend or...)?

Again they see what they need to see not what they want to see. My neigbors see that on warm summer nights my wife and I sit on the porch and just talk and hang out together. What they dont see is that we are getting drunk on white russians and trying to figure out the best way to have sex without folks realizing.

Bonus (as in optional): Define a "normal" as in "normal relationship" or "normal sex life".

Normal is what you make of it. To some people normal is the traditional man-woman relationship, with sex being at night after the kids go to bed. To someone else normal could be having a few friends over to screw your wife while she hangs from the swing in the shed out back and then watching the replay from the hidden camera after.

To me normal would be defined more as happiness, where every one is satisfied.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

I did a good-ish deed

I went away last week for work, and lo and behold I went out to dinner with a work friend who decided that I needed to hear every problem in her marriage. Over the course of dinner and a few drinks after she told me everything that was wrong with it. To be honest I spent the entire time trying to figure out a nice way to tell her to shut up and lets go back to our respective rooms and go to sleep for the night. But, to my dismay I just could not find a nice way to tell her that I wasn't interested. The life she described reminds me of Mrs Seduction of Infidelity, except she had larger and more serious marital issues, mostly due to a serious lack of communication on both their parts, and the fact that he completely ignores her. I've always done my best to avoid giving advice, for two reason, first off I suck at it, and secondly I don't want to be responsible.

She kept asking for my thoughts, to the point that I felt so bad for her that I told her she needed to just get another boyfriend on the side. Incidentaly it also came out that they both had cheated on each other, and both found out before the others infidelity. Like I said they really need help. Toward the end of the conversation she had asked me to go back to her room to grab some work related items before we both fly home the next day.

I follow her back to her room, and we finish off a small bottle of whisky that she had sitting in the room, and as I get ready to leave I put my hands on her shoulder and start to rub them real quick while I say goodbye. That was my mistake I should have just left and walked out, but instead I listened to her tell me how goo it felt.

She is an attractive person, and very cool to talk to, but all the baggage that she brought with her was just a complete turn off for me. Instead I just kept massaging her shoulders while I contemplated my escape. Then I notice that one hand is rubbing a breast, the other lightly caressing her inner thigh. Usually a situation like this is a complete turn on for me, except I didn't want to be there, but I didn't stop. Instead I leaned in and started to kiss her neck, and I let my hands find their way around her body. Caressing her breast and unbuttoning her pants I got her worked up, and she led me to the bed while we both undressed.

The next thing that happened should have sealed the deal for me, but being very drunk I ignored it and kept going. The worst turn off I can think of is unkempt pubic hair. She did trim the edges, I'll give her that but it was long and needed to be trimmed.

I did get into bed with her and over the course of the next few minutes I was able to enter what is possible the best feeling vagina I have ever felt, (minus the hair) for this reason and this reason alone did I stay the night. She really did feel good and she knew how to use her body. In fact I would say that the intercourse could have been great. After our first time she asked me if I mind her call me by her husbands name. It bothered me but I said yes and we had sex again.

In what could be possibly the most fucked up sexual experience of my life she talked to me like I was her husband, using his name. The entire time her eyes closed. I could only think that she was imagining her husband above her not me.

After we were done, we lay there in bed while she made believe I was her husband, and I played along until we both fell asleep.

The next morning we did sit down and talk about the need for both of us to keep this just between the two of us. In fact i think she was more nervous about the possibility of being caught than I was. She kept apologizing to me for seducing me and telling me that she was sorry for making me cheat on my wife.

Looking back on it, I should have just gone back to my room and called it a night, but she did say that she felt great and she thanked me for playing along. She told me that for just one night she felt like her life was still perfect. That comment made me feel good, like I did something good for her. I'm not really sure what to make of it, because I really didn't enjoy myself other than the fact that when I left her room that morning, she had a glow about her that I'd never seen in her before.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

A most excellent weekend

After my depression last week I really needed a pick me up. I suggested to my wife that I had been under a lot of stress and really needed a night out by myself, just to blow off some steam. Little did she know that I had been invited to spend the night with Mrs Camaro in Atlantic City. She had a comp room and was more than happy to have me join her for the evening.

We went out and really just enjoyed ourselves. We drank a little too much, and put on a huge display of PDA in one of the hotel clubs (at one point she had me taking shots from shot glasses she had tucked in her cleavage). I did great at the roulette tables, and was able to walk away with much more than I started with.

This new found and extremely disposable allowed us to have lots of fun with the hotel room service folks. She had the hilarious idea for me to answer the door and let the guy while she was standing there with a too small to fit towel exposing herself. Then she finished the delivery by checking to see if the guy noticed, and by checking I mean she walked up to him and copped a feel.

I have more to write about this evening later, for now I need to get some rest. Needless to say I feel much better.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

The end of Mrs Legs

So she dropped the bombshell on me this morning.

I had been avoiding her a little, due to the fact that I had been gone for over a month and I really wanted to spend time with my wife. I did manage to sneak in a few quickies here and there but I could tell that there was something on her mind. Then last week she just dissapeared off the face of the earth. I figured something just came up and brushed it off thinking that she was busy.

Last night she asks if I wanted to meet for breakfast at IHOP. Then it hit me, something is wrong. Damn. I met her there, ordered food, and made small talk. How 'ya been, what 'ya been up to? Light conversation, nothing beyond the superficial.

Then after we finished eating, her face just turned completely white, and she starts talking about her marriage, and where that is going. Apparently her husband starting to bring up the idea of children a few months back, and that he's pretty adamant about the fact that he wants to raise some little ones. He even tried to get her to get off the pill. She has been lying to him saying that she is off birth control, which made him go to a doctor to get his sperm checked, and it came out fine. Now he wants her to go to the fertility doctor, in which case her husband will find out that she is still on birth control.

To make this very long story a short one, she doesn't want children yet. BUT for now she wants to cool things off between the two of us for a while until she gets this figured out. I agree that us spending less time together is probably a good idea given everything that is going on.

To be quite honest the cooling off period lasted until we walked out of the reasturant and I jokingly asked if she wanted a quickie before we part ways. I hadn't finished talking before she yelled 'YES' and we were sprawled in the most uncomfortably cramped position in her back seat, parked behind IHOP.

The cooling off period starts now...

EDIT: After writing this I realized how depressed I have been all day.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

She left marks!

I get to work this morning, and the first thing my partner says to me is that I have teeth marks at the base of my neck, just barely visible above my collar. I should be worried right? I played it off, with a funny comment and went about my day as usual.

My day started off early this morning, I woke up, went out for a run (in the snow, eeek!). At her house I walked let myself in, climbed up the stairs to her bedroom, undressing myself as I made my way, and slid under the sheets, my arm embracing her tightly. She was surprised to see me, she wasn't expecting me.

I was ready to go from the moment I hit the mattress, I know she could feel me poking her in the back, while my hands started to rub her back. Instead of just laying there enjoying the free back rub, she told me to lay on my stomache, so she could give me a rub down. I rolled over like a dog waiting for a treat. Her hand immediately started to knead my shoulders.

Then sudden pain. Her teeth sunk into my back, and not just a little bite, one of those bites that caused me to try and pull myself away from her. Then she realeased, appologizing with a lick of her tounge. Some more kneading and rubbing, then another bite, this time directly between my shoulders, her nails felt like they wcould tear through my skin as they sunk in. I could tell that she was squeezing nad biting with all her might. My body attempted to move, to get away, instead I just lay there as if to ask for more.

This went on for another 20 minutes, she would bite, then scratch, then sink her nails in. I could feel my skin swell with each movement as she dug in. I enjoyed every second of it.

I'm glad I married her or I might have been in a little trouble.