When it all goes bad

WARNING - If you don't want to read about some bad sex just stop here and go back.



This morning I wrote an entry for TMI Tuesday. Without really thinking about it I wrote about a sexual experience I had a few years ago. My cousin came to stay with me for a long weekend of skiing, and she brought a friend with her. We had a great time, stayed in an apartment in the Poconos. The skiing was great, although they both sucked at it and I had to really take it easy so I wouldn't loose them.

Our last night there we drank a little, not much at all really. But as things would have it we started to fool around. My cousin got the idea real fast and left us alone. Lots of kissing and touching and feeling. I pulled her pants off on with the full intention of eating her out.

She was in good shape, I could tell by her body that she worked out, she was tone, not muscular, but tone. She definitely took care of herself, and she had an incredible body, and she was great at flirting, and even better at foreplay.

I had her pants off and all she was wearing was a pair of undies. I kissed her legs on my way back up. I pulled the only garment she had left. I think that at that exact moment was the most disappointing moment of my life. I could not believe the tangle of hair ahead of me. Now I don't mind hair, in fact a little hair can be good, but it has got to be trimmed, shaven, shortened, something.

I had already abandoned my original oral plan, it just was not in the cards anymore, I love to lick pussy, but it has to be taken care of. So I moved on to plan B, sex. I moved back up and inserted myself into her. It was bad, in fact it was downright terrible. I just could not get over the fact that I could feel her pubic hair wrap itself around my dick. It was like a brillo pad, and it itched.

I was so disgusted by it that after a minute, and what seemed like an eternity, I had had enough. I just stopped, pulled out and jumped at the first towel I saw. I made believe that I finished in the towel. I sat on the end of the bed with a raging hard on, a beautiful, willing, and quite naked girl next to me, and I didn't want to touch her.

It wouldn't go down.

Nothing I did would make it go down. I could have fucked her for hours, and I had no motivation. It was the worst sex of my life, and I faked it.



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There really is more to the story than that. But for the sake of actually telling what happened that's it. But...

After she realized that I wasn't going down, she practically begged for another go. I just couldn't bring myself to do it. It really was that bad. After *her* bad experience, the rumor mill among my cousins circle of friends was that I was terrible. It was basically the scarlet letter for that incredibly beautiful group of girls and for a few years I couldn't get any of them to even look at me.

When my cousin got married I was an usher, and HPG was a bridesmaid. You could see the tension between us a mile away, and my cousin, being nosey, begged me to finally tell what happened between the two of us. So I did. She broke out laughing about it, then at the after party she drank too much and started telling the story over and over.

And for HPG, it stands for Hairy Pussy Girl, as I have referred to her ever since. Yes ladies, please, please, do anything, just please don't let your bush turn into a forest.

TMI Tuesday #157

1. Have you ever felt guilty or ashamed after a sexual experience?

My first actual sex experience, yes. After both minutes were over I was completely embaressed, I just wanted to go into a hole and hide from the world, and the girl who just had the worst sex of her life. It took me a while to get over the fact that I was inexperienceed and seriously needed to gain some confidence.

2. Did you ever own a fake ID?

Nope, I lived in a major city and after a while I learned where i could and could not go without a fake ID. Bar A would card you bar B didn't care. Go to bar b.

3. How often do you tell white lies? Is it with or without thinking?

The key to extra marital affairs is to not tell any white lies at all. Obviously you will have to eventually, but I always try to tell the half of the truth that needs to be told, its soo much easier to tell your wife you went out for coffee, even if that coffee was with the other woman. BUT. I always try to think of a backup plan in case my story doesn't check out, I just do my best to not have to use it. My wife knows I run a few days a week, she just has no clue that I'm screwing my run buddy.

4. On a scale of 1-10, how well do you receive constructive criticism?

I would say I'm pretty good at taking critisim. My profession deals with criticism on a very regular basis and I have become accoustomed to being called everything from a miracle worker to the scum of the earth. I take the bad with the good and move on to the next oportunity to mess up.

5. Have you ever shaved your pubic hair?

Yup. I started back in the 90's before it was the in thing to do for guys to shave. I had a girlfriend who had a thing for bare balls, and she asked me to trim, so I did. After that I had a real bad experience with a girl (HPG) that didn't take care of her pubic hair, and since then I take a razor to myself at least every other day.

Bonus: What percentage of women do you think are capable of handling being in a "friends with benefits" relationship? How about men?

Not all women are capable of handling being in a "friends with benefits" relationship. Some are just way too possessive to be in a non exclusive relationship. Insecurity has more to do with it than anything else, if she thinks that you might find someone better or you might be comparing her to someone else than why take that chance.